|— This is a transcribed copy of "No More Pow Cards". —|
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|Previous: "We've Got Fleas"||Next: "A Hero's Fate"|
Male voiceover: Mad Sam! Human level three. A mutant straight from the Danger Zone and a warrior of the road. Bomber Fan! Hero level two. A boisterous teen with a talent for pyrotechnics. His personality is- [bomb explodes] EXPLOSIVE! Punching Judy! Hero level three. The heart of a fighter, and the mind of a twenty-something! [cuts to K.O. showing Dendy his Pow Card collection]
K.O.: Chip Damage, level ten! The limited edition hologramic card!
Dendy: Ohh! Your collection is quite extensive, K.O.
K.O.: [giggles] Thanks. I’ve been collecting my whole life! I even have my own card! Once you do something really cool and heroic, you’ll get one too, Dendy.
Dendy: Actually, K.O., I’ll never have my own Pow Card.
K.O.: [shrieking] Whaaaaaaat?!
Dendy: I’m unable to receive a Pow Card because...I’m a Kappa.
K.O.: Whassat?! [stutters] I mean, whass’you?
Dendy: Kappas are a species of semi-aquatic creatures. Many decades ago, my people lived in ponds and small lakes. Eventually, land-dwellers began to settle in the area. Kappas were forced to live under bridges, and eat leftovers from their new above ground neighbors. It wasn’t ideal, but we adapted to the situation. But then, people started making up stories about Kappa pulling people underwater!
Dendy: Precisely. The reality was very different from the rumors.
Kappa: [is kicked in the face by the human on the bridge above] Gahhh! [sprays human with water]
Human: Wahhh! Daddyyy! A Kappa tried to drown me!
Dendy: Despite their absurdity, the stories persisted, and Kappas came to be seen as monsters, incapable of power or heroism. That is why Kappas are ineligible for Pow Cards. Observe! [Dendy presses a button on the Pow Card machine. The screen reads: “ERROR - NO KAPPAS” and has a frowning face.]
K.O.: But- you’re not a monster!
Dendy: Correct. Although, I do eat a lot of fish heads.
K.O.: How can I keep collecting these cards when they exclude one of my friends?
Dendy: It’s true...it would appear that from a moral standpoint, Pow Cards are inherently...wrong.
K.O.: Exactly, Dendy! Pow Cards are wrong, and bad!
Dendy: Then the next course of action is clear!
K.O.: [nods] Hm!
[Cuts to K.O. and Dendy at the top of a volcano. K.O. is holding the book that contains all his Pow Cards.]
K.O.: Ready, Dendy?
Dendy: Ready. [She presses a button on her backpack and gets her Pow Card collection out. They both stand over the volcano, about to drop the cards into the lava.]
Dendy: It doesn’t make sense to hold onto something so negative, K.O. No matter how much satisfaction they bring to both of us, or their...symbolic importance in the timeline of our friendship…
K.O.: [sniffles] Dendy, I can’t do it! These cards are important to me! I-I know they’re bad, but...I still like them. I’m sorry, Dendy. [wipes away a tear]
Dendy: K.O., I...I don’t want to throw them away, either.
Dendy: I can’t explain why, but I just don’t! I don’t know how I can still feel attached to something that I know is bad!
K.O.: Maybe...maybe we’re bad.
Dendy: Or mayyybe we can appreciate what’s good about Pow Cards while still their recognizing their faults! K.O., we don’t have to volcano our Pow Cards. We can like them for what they mean to us.
K.O.: I’m so glad this is all solved now. [A star iris begins to close in around K.O.] Wait! We still don’t know why Pow Cards exclude Kappas based on super old myths!
Dendy: Let’s go directly to the manufacturer and find out!
[Cuts to the Pow Card Industries building.]
Dendy: Thank you, mom and dad.
Pavel: Sure thing, Den.
Pepelina: We’ll pick you two up after we get back from your aunt’s.
Pavel: [ribbit] Hey, you wanna switch places, Den? [laughs]
Pepelina: Oh, Pavel, you stinker! [laughs]
Pavel: I’m just fibbin’! [laughs as they drive away]
Dendy: It’s their anniversary next month. I’m very proud.
K.O.: Focus, Dendy.
Dendy: Oh, yes.
K.O.: Let’s get going.
Krissa: Okay, folks, let’s get this tour moving!~ This is our decorative break room. And on your left are some offices.
Krissa: And our gift shop is just down the hall! [Dendy raises her hand] Yup!
Dendy: Where in this facility are the Pow Cards actually...created? I’m asking for my...book report.
Krissa: Great question, sir! All of our cards are generated in a secret room right over there. Behind the beautiful statue of our company’s founder!
Dendy: That’s it?
Dendy: Oookay. [Dendy and K.O. make their way to the room.]
Krissa: Those kids were fun!
[Dendy and K.O. try to sneak past the statue, which causes it to come to life. It throws a giant golden Pow Card at them.]
Dendy & K.O.: Aaah!
[Dendy hides behind a pillar and starts to code rapidly. K.O. is grabbed by the statue.]
Powio Statue: [robotically] Geeeeh!
[The statue is deactivated and falls over, revealing a smiling Dendy.]
Dendy: Excellent job distracting the statue android, K.O.! Let’s move forward. [They enter the secret room.]
K.O.: Coming! Whoa. Dendy, it’s really the place where they find new heroes! [gasps] And look! It’s a computer! You love those!!
K.O.: [laughs] This is sooo exciting! [inhales] Probably gonna take forever to hack into-
Dendy: [hacker voice] I’m in. I have written an override code that will allow the system to recognize the biosignatures of Kappas around the world. All I have to do is press this butto-
[A laser beam shoots over her head.]
Guards: Leave! Step away from the hero-puterrrr! You devils are under arrest for trespassing.
K.O.: Awwwh, but we were so sneaky!
Guard: Does this look sneaky to you?! [holds up a screen which shows K.O. running away from the statue android, screaming]
Mr. Cardsley III: Put them down, and back away. I’ll take it from here.
Guard: [saluting] Yes, Mr. Cardsley III.
Mr. Cardsley III: [to Dendy and K.O.] Now, now, it’s alright. Did you get lost? Tours are back out there, kids!
K.O.: We are not here for no tour! Well, not today. Right, Dendy?
Dendy: That is correct.
K.O.: In fact, we got a bone to pick with you, mister!
Mr. Cardsley III: Is that so? Alright, I’m all ears.
K.O.: Mr. Cardsley! All our lives we’ve loved Pow Cards! [pulls out his collection] See?
Mr. Cardsley: Oh. Very nice.
K.O.: But then, we found out you don’t let Kappas be recognized as heroes! And that’s the most messed up thing I ever heard! So fix it, [sobbing] plee-eee-ase.
Mr. Cardsley: Well what’s there to fix? I mean, why in the world would Kappas need Pow Cards?
K.O.: Be...cause!!! It’s bad to leave them out! Don’t be bad!
Mr. Cardsley: And you’re asking we include them for...what, exactly? Drowning people? Honestly, I’ve never seen a Kappa do anything of significance. Heroic or otherwise, they’re just little monsters. And though we appreciate your feedback here at Pow Industries, this is the system we’ve used for decades. There’s no need to change a thing.
K.O.: But can’t you see how much it upsets us?!?!
Mr. Cardsley: [sighs] Look, I’m sorry you’re so upset, kid, but it’s the simple truth.
K.O.: It’s nowhere near the truth! My friend Dendy here does great things all the time! And- and-! ...Do you even know any Kappas, Mr. Cardsley?
Mr. Cardsley: I...uhhh...Guards!
Mr. Cardsley: Please escort these trespassers off the premises.
K.O.: Still?! After all my tears?
Dendy: Please wait. ...Once more.
Guards: Aw, c’mon!! Just...wanna cuff...so baa-aa-aad!! [roll away sobbing]
Dendy: Mr. Cardsley. Have you ever considered the reason the world does not view Kappas as heroic is because we don’t have any heroes of our own to look up to? And for those that are out there doing something you’d call noteworthy, we’ll never get to notice, if your computer doesn’t, either. All I request is for us to be given a chance.
Mr. Cardsley: [sigh] Fine. If you insist on learning the hard way. Carla!
Carla: Greetings, Mr. Cardsley!
Mr. Cardsley: Carla, my trusty engineer. Can you temporarily allow the hero-puter to detect the Kappa species?
Carla: I’d love to!! Just gimme one minute…ooh!
Dendy: Pardon, I’ve already written an override code for your system.
Carla: I...just making sure you’re not trying any funny business! [chuckles] It would’ve taken me forever to write this code! Please, press away!
[Dendy activates the override code.]
Mr. Cardsley: Ohh. Sorry, kids. Like I said, Kappa- aaah!
[Tons of Kappa suddenly appear on the world map shown on screen]
Mr. Cardsley: What the-? [picks up a new Pow Card] Hot hot hot hot hot! How can this be? I - was - wrong? I. Can’t. Process. I was - always told I’m right! I - [begins sucking his thumb]
Carla: Oh, this is fantastic! Our database is flooded with new profiles! Sales have gone through the roof!! A new market of Kappas are buying our Pow Cards in droves! This is the biggest sale in the history of the company, Mr. Cardsley!
Employee: Sir! There’s no place to hold all the Technos! [Technos burst through the door]
Mr. Cardsley: [to Dendy] Young lady. Dendy, was it?
Mr. Cardsley: Dendy, you’ve really taught me something here today. I thank you. And from now on, Pow Cards will recognize the heroic feats of Kappas across the globe! Grandfather would be proud...of how much money we’re making! [dives into the pile of Technos] Wheee-hee-hee! Woo hoo!
K.O.: Great job, as always, Dendy! There’s so many more cool Pow Cards I can strive to collect now!
Dendy: Yes, Kappas never needed Pow Cards to be heroes. But knowing that I can get one too, makes me feel...hmm! [smiles]
K.O.: But Dendy, this was super heroic! Look! [points down at Dendy’s Pow Card. Dendy picks up her new Pow Card and adds it to her collection.]